messynachos

Interesting dream last night. I was someone paid to draft, notarize and enforce contracts between Dominants and Submissives. They hired me and I knocked out a full contract including limits, rules, safewords, etc. Then they called me if there were problems. I was referred to as "The Commissioner." I also dealt with a poorly behaved Dom who wouldn't respect his Sub's hard limits. I apparently had the power to remove a Sub, bodily is necessary, from the Dom's care. We argued fiercely. I yelled "I will void your contract!" a lot. He yelled something along the lines of "If you were mine, you wouldn't sit for a week!" All that was missing was me reenacting The Bodyguard with the Sub.

Does this job exist? Can I have it?

-L

   You know, I don't think NaNo is for me. I've got under 7k words and it's already the 12th. All I can think about it writing an Irish drinking song and whether or not I need a haircut. I thought it would be a good sort of peer pressure to have a bunch of "writing buddies" on the site, but now I just see it as that many more people to watch the fail fest happen in real time. *headdesk*

-L

   Only 11 days until NaNoWriMo. I keep going online with the goal of catching up on all of the fics I'm reading and finishing up whatever I can on my outline, but since I discovered MLIA earlier this week, I've done nothing but sit my ass on that site and read the posts. The good news: I'm getting some great ideas for really random things to do to people. The bad news: I've got nothing done that I needed to do. It owns my life.

www.mylifeisaverage.com

   We had one day this week of cool weather. By cool weather I mean it was below 70. In the middle of October. It was back to 85 today. *sigh* It was inspired me to get in touch with my inner 50s homemaker. The kitchen will be ground zero this weekend. With respites only for a Dr. Who marathon on Friday and the Saints game on Sunday. Omg, the Dolphins are going down so hard.... *\o/*

-L

   I'm lol-ing at myself so hard after last night. I smoked weed for the first time in 9 years with my brother...... and my mum. This is in addition to Tequila Thursday and Waxing Wednesday. I thought I was dying for the first 10 minutes after choking to death and then everything was really cool. Really cool. Then we sat around and watched Grandma's Boy and ate pb&j's.

   I saw Where The Wild Things Are today and it was AWESOME!!! I loved how it was shot. So good. Then I came home and watched Charlie Bartlett and decided I want to be just like his mum when I grow up. Klonopin and all.

   Going to Rin's tomorrow to watch Dexter before she leaves for Mass. Bossman left today for Europe. He's going to Prague, Cannes, Belgium and Dublin. He asked if I wanted anything. I was like, "Yeah. I want to go." He said to think smaller.

   I have pretty much decided for sure that I will be moving to Savannah within 2 years whether I go to SCAD or not. I really can't handle life at home anymore. Therefore, I'm moving away from my entire family and leaving the state. My cousin is coming with me because she has pretty much the same outlook. I think that, before that happens, I'm going to the UK on my own. I'm going to take out a personal loan and just go for a solid 2 weeks. Because I know that once I move out (again) I won't be able to do anything like that for the rest of my life. Ever.

   Okay, I'm off to embellish my fic and get my prompts together for NaNoWriMo.

-L

    Long time no see, yeah? I am superbly pleased to announce that Laptop Charger Fail 09' is over. It was close though. 2 hours after I bought the charger I found the most perfect dress in the world. In case you don't know; I have a fascination with the 1920s and have always had an eye out for a true fringe dress. Well..... I found it. It was black and hit just below the knee with thin shoulder straps. There wasn't a single panel of fringe missing. There was no demarcation anywhere to be seen. No holes. No rips or tears. If it wasn't for the craftsmanship I would have been convinced it was a reproduction. Oh, and it fit more perfectly than any dress I've ever tried on. Ever. Of course, after buying said charger I was busted. This led to hours of serious debate on whether to return the charger in order to buy the dress. Alas, I let it go. I may or may not have shed a tear over my decision. *sigh*

   What else... what else..... Ah! Tomorrow I have my annual GYN appt and thank jeebus that I've known her since I was 12 because I'm planning on asking for some serious meds. I wonder if I can get a Thorazine pump. You know, like some diabetics have an insulin pump? I need that with Prozac or some kind of anxiety happy pills. It's really coming to a head around here. I find myself just going for walks that last for hours and miles just to get away. I'm either not eating for 2 days at a time or I'm throwing up everything that I do manage to eat. I'm cutting. It calms me like nothing else. The problem is that I cut to calm down, but I have to calm down in order to stop shaking enough to cut. So, hopefully my appt can settle some of this. It's almost like a shopping list: Birth Control, Ambien, Topamax, Xanax, Prozac..... And hopefully I won't find myself staring down a handful of all of the above mixed with Skittles. *again*

   I decided to knit Sock Monkeys. I bought all the stuff for them. Now I just need to learn to knit. Yeah, I'm on top of shit. Then maybe I'll make a quilt. And take up photography again.

   I was writing really well, but that stopped. I lost my way. I did manage a little thingy for a collection, but the other two projects are collecting dust. I just can't focus on it. I still haven't been able to get into a book for more than 3-5 chapters. I have about 5 bookmarked books just piling up on a shelf.

  

This is a super short post:

~ I have experienced laptop charger fail and cannot afford a new for at least another 2-3 weeks. Blow me, charger.

~ Season 4 of Dexter started last night and I was left feeling kind of "meh."

~ Supernatural is looking up. Sam, honey, say no to Lucifer. Just say no. Also, I'm apprehensive about next week's ep; Cas + Mandals = Ew.

~ Have just finished 5 chapters of my individual foray into fanfiction, Freedom In Life. Will post when it's up.

~ OMVB, my uterus wants me dead.

~ H is moving back! *happy dance*

~ Lastly, I've settled on Halloween costumes for myself and my cousin and her friend: Ginger (me), Mary-Ann and Gilligan.

-L

   Alright, I would just like to say that I would fuck all of the elderly guards for the chance to live in the Dali museum. Or at least have a chance to spend the night and not have to worry about people watching me stand agape in front of his painting of the bread basket for hours. That was seriously, without a doubt, one of the most amazing pieces of art I've ever seen. Prints and photos of it are no comparison. And it was totally awesome to see one of the prints I have in person. *sigh* I could go on forever so I'll just stop now.

   I finished chapter 3 of my novel today. Very big accomplishment, if I do say so myself. I also started a new story that popped into my head a few days ago and left me no choice but to get it out. I'm actually going to turn it into a Twilight fanfic, so I need a beta. Anyone? It's just my version of a fantasy life turnaround. Pretty fluffy in theory, but I might put in some hot sexin' later on. I'm going to type up the first chapter right now and start the rest tomorrow. I have this redundant compulsion to write everything by hand first and then beef it up when I type it. Whatever.

   Okay, I'm off to type!  Oooh, cupcakes!

-L

  
  

Enjoy!!!

www.youtube.com/watch


www.youtube.com/watch



Just so we're clear. These were taken between 12am and 3.30am. Bev is doing the shoddy recording and my cousin Smashley is in the green shirt and I am the one with the awesome red hair. We were very very drunk.

-L

   Ugh! I ran away this weekend before I ended up killing myself. I am so not able to deal with my mum and brother anymore. It's a never ending pity party at my house and neither of them seem to realize that just because I'm not moping around and shit that I'm not at my hard limit on the depression scale. So, I left. I took my brother's truck and drove across the state. I stayed with my cousin and visited my father and stayed consistantly, and blissfully, intoxicated. I also saw my younger cousin who was in the hospital after being hit by a drunk driver. Broken femur, fractured pelvis, broken rib, blood clot and did I mention she's 4 months pregnant? There was a 1 month old baby in the car, too that was flown up to Tampa and it's not looking good for him. The drunk driver was an attorney. She is soooooo fucked, especially if that baby dies. Idiot.

   I need to start answering my cell phone. I usually don't if I don't recognize the number. I listened to a voicemail from a call I didn't answer and it was from my part time agent in LA. He wanted to let me know he was submitting me for a background role in a movie. So, I called him back and he asked me if I was familiar with The Twilight Saga. I was like, "Um, duh?" Now I'm waiting for a yes or no for Breaking Dawn part 1. I would just die. Fingers crossed people! Also for Inked magazine. Paid trip to Vegas? Go ahead and submit me for that, too. lol

That's all I've got. My life is boring. Minus the ex CONSTANTLY telling me how much he still loves me after three years. *smashes head against the wall* Making things awkward. He's doing it right.

Here's a better picture of my awesome new hair!



AND GO READ THE FANFIC MY COUSIN AND I ARE WRITING!!!!!! GOGOGOGO!!!! www.fanfiction.net/s/5262936/1/
It's a bunch of random-as-hell one-shots. It's fun. Go read it. Now.

-L

   I went with the red. It's like an auburn and Crayola primary red date-raped a neon sign. It's really nice inside. Then when you see it in the sun you have to wear sunglasses or your retinas will melt. If I was flexible enough I would have sex with my hair. There, I said it. I cut it a little shorter than last time and had it styled into more of a 50s-ish retro cut. I'm madly in love with it. I didn't dye my brows to match though because I know I would never keep up with that nonsense. My stylist was a wonderful gay man named Gregory who told me that the fact that every menopausal bitch hairdresser there complemented my 'do was a testament to his skills and my awesomeness. He also said no one else could pull off this cut and color. And also that if I didn't go out and get laid with this hair, he was going to be very disappointed in me. Here's a crappy picture:


This one sucks. As son as I get one that really emphasizes the awesomeness that is the hair I will put it up.

   Today is Miss Ry's 3rd birthday, so I bought her heels. I think she's ready. Also a Barbie dress and a feather boa that I'll probably get fired over considering bossman is OCD to the max and that shit's going to be everywhere. And gloves. And a purse. *headsmash*

-L

   I just wanted to say that Godiva milk chocolate covered cashews are better than crack. They are even better when you only pay $1.50 and box. Bless you, Sawgrass Mills.

   Also, I'm getting my hair did tomorrow morning. It's going back to the 20s length for sure. Will it be red or blonde? I know I said I'd never do blonde again, but old pictures have recently come to light and I'm weirdly fascinated with it. Though this time I plan on getting it done right the first time seeing as the Carrot Top Orange I ended up with last time wasn't pretty. I also intend to dye my eyebrows to match even though the whole idea of dying eyebrows is hilarious to me. Then, I need a how-to lesson on pin curls. And a cloche..... that I will be wearing with bright blue Chucks. Fashion Emergency. You're doing it right.

   True Blood tomorrow night!

-L

   I'm currently at work, which at the moment involves watching the baby sleep on the monitor and waiting to see if her mother is going to come home as over-the-top-fucking hammered as she did last night. Dave Matthew's fans boggle my mind. She was all sorts of hilarious and she told me she loved me. Meanwhile, bossman was all "Fucking hot mess..... *grumblegrumble*" And I laughed and went home. Awesome.

   Speaking of the boss-people... My birthday was Thursday. I walked in to work to find a new flat-screen tv and about one hundred dollars worth of Moleskine notebooks. I was like, "This is awesome. You know this is a bit fucking much, right?" Bossman laughs and walks away. I don't know what to do with these people. Last year it was an iPhone. They say it's because I'm awesome. I say it's because...... well, I am pretty awesome. ;)

   I saw Kathy Griffin on Wednesday and she was fan-fucking-tastic! Plus, every 30 and up gay man from Miami was there, so... Yay me! She also told us the joke she got kicked offstage at The Apollo for. It really wasn't that bad, but I guess with it being "Amateur Family Night" it didn't go over so well. Fuck them.

   Now, on to my birthday night out..... It was fun. Kismet happened when, while walking to Roxy's, I found a toy fireman's helmet on the sidewalk. See, there's this picture of me a couple years ago at Rin's house. We were drinking (duh) and I was wearing her son's fireman helmet and she took a picture. That picture almost ended up on the Facebook invite. Suffice it to say, I have a picture of everyone wearing it. Viva the New Drinking Hat!!! I also have a picture of me holding a knife to my ex's throat and one of me tied to some random guy by the neck. I am claiming memory loss on those. I spent 30 minutes halfway up my stairs saying "fuck it, I'll sleep here" in different variations. My cousin and I eventually made it to the floor in the doorway of my room where we proceeded to call our 16-year old cousin and leave her a 20-minute rambling voicemail which she did not appreciate the next day. I finally got into the bed around 4am. At 7.30am I woke up thinking I would want to die, but an hour later realized I, by some strange miracle, was hangover free! It was a good time. I leave you with this:



-L

   Oh man. I am SOOOO fucking amazed from last night. I was a judge at the National Poetry Slam 2009 and it was unbelievable! It's been going on all week and the night before last I saw some group from Atlanta throw down and they were awesome. Then last night.... Seattle, Berkley, Minneapolis, Dallas, Austin and more and I didn't even have words. Luckily, we were using Olympic scoring, so I didn't need words. I did kind of attack the last poet from Minn. when it was over, but I couldn't help it. I was overwhelmed. There were two slams and the second one was so fuckawesome. I don't think we scored anyone less than 9.0. I had audience people coming up to me and asking how I could possibly judge when they were all so amazing. I was like, Dude, I haven't got a fucking clue how I did it. I wanted half of them to give repeats. I was shaking as hard as the poets by the end. Unfortunately, I'm not going down tonight, but I will be there tomorrow for the semifinals and Saturday for the finals. And they invited me to their big blowout after it's over. I have never heard anything like what I heard last night. And if that's any indication, then I'm going to die on Saturday. Ugh! I love it.

   Other than that..... I got a Moleskine today and, I feel like a moron saying this, but it inspires me in a completely superficial way. It just feels good. It feels right. I was coping down some of what I'd already written and it just keeps coming and coming. So, hopefully this stays the case. Fingers crossed and all.

-L

   So, I have to actually get my ass in gear with my book. Apparently Lusha is tired of me dragging ass and starting projects only to throw them out before getting anywhere. Now I have publication and distribution lined up already. Thanks a lot. No pressure or anything. I told him that if I could just get my supporting characters together, I could really get into a groove. He told me to get over it and write. *sigh*

   Tonight, I watched my brother and his friends sing and dance to Backstreet Boys' video for "Everybody" and almost died laughing. Watch it here:

www.youtube.com/watch

   Other than that...... I have some event to go to tomorrow night as hipster arm candy (not my words), so I have to figure out some pseudo-trendy ensemble to strut. Should be interesting. I'll post whatever pictures I come across.

   Oh! I'm so excited for next Wednesday - I'm going to see Kathy Griffin at the Seminole Hard Rock! I haven't figured out who I'm taking yet. Probably my gay bf. Then on Thursday, I'm going out for drinks for my not-birthday because I have to work Friday and Saturday. Fucking DMB!

-L

   So, my life is apparently more boring than usual. I can't even think of (more) trivial things to write about. Here's what I have:
- Why does it take an hour to update and sync my phone? Bothering...

- Super excited for Alice in Wonderland! I will not be available 3/5/10 unless you want to hear me squee non-stop.

- Couldn't help myself and took PE out on the boat and took "Titanic"- inspired photos of him.

"I'm on a boat like Leo!"

- Sinus infection.... ew. Pls 2 kill meh?

- I'm so broke it's ridiculous. Plus, I've been off all week and, therefore, will not be paid. Awesome.

- Trying to get a list together for my trip to Europe next summer. Hitting London and Scotland. Need an idea of places to see.

That's all.

-L

   It's been awhile, no? I saw Harry Potter at midnight the other night and was pleased with it. Obviously, it could have been better. They left out two big scenes at the end and that was gei. Snape, on the otherhand, did his job of making my ovaries tingle. Oh, Alan RIckman, you give great disdain. I wish I had the money to have him read the phonebook in that voice. Positively dripping with loathing and I would love nothing more that to sex the emo right out of him. *sigh*

   I am so broke, it's redik. Plus, I'm off all next week and therefore not getting paid. There goes doing anything on my time off. I think I'll try to finish Tropic of Cancer and maybe start either The Idiot or 2666. We shall see.

-L

   I survived! There were only two minor incidents that occurred between 12am and 4am Saturday night (Sunday morning?). M and I got a SUPER late start because someone stayed out drinking until 5 when we were supposed to leave by 8. Then I fell asleep waiting for him to get up and we didn't get on the road until about 2.30. How v punctual of us, right? So, after dinner the six of us went out drankin. Around 12.30 everyone went back to the hotel to get in the pool and left M and I to our own devices. Strip club, Irish pub, live band, gay pub- Wut?! What could possibly go wrong at the gay pub, you ask? Let's just say that you never want to hear anyone look at you and say, "Sweetheart, your hair is in a candle." Luckily for me, my new do is choppy already so the damage isn't noticeable. But for the rest of the night, everytime I ran my hands through it they came away with charred bits of burnt hair. Some time later I found myself sitting in the road on Duval. I'm not quite sure why, but I suspect M had something to do with it. It was the drunk leading the drunk after that. We got back to the B&B around 3am and M decided to get in the pool. Clothes, on. iPhone, in his pocket. Shoes, on.  I ran naked through the room to get my swimsuit on. (Did I mention the other 4 were in there sleeping?) Then I had to strongarm him into the room where he decided to get in the shower, still fully dressed. Wait, I left his shoes in the pool. His pants disappeared at some point and I felt around blindly for some shorts to dress him in. This was the next 45 minutes:
Me: Mike! Get outta the shower and put your pants on.
M: Shhhh! Sweetie, listen...
Me: Get. Out. Of. The. Shower!
M: Nonono, honey.
Me: Mike!
M: I love you, bitch.
Me: Put your fucking pants on!
M: You think I the whore? No. K is a whore. She opens her legs for anything.
Me: Fuckawesome. Now put your fucking pants on and get in the bed.

This went on and on. I apparently magicked my pjs on at some point and crashed. The next day was spent at the beach and we were all v good kiddies and went to bed before 12. We went Snorkeling Monday morning and I saw a shark and got body-checked by a big snapper. I was like, "Bitch, I'll make a meal out of you." Then there was (a lot) of complementary beer on the way back in which led to wandering around in bikinis and Chucks and obscene poses with the local statuary. I'm awaiting the pictures of that. We made it home about 8pm last night.
All in all, I'd say it was a good time.

   I'm supposed to go to Orlando this coming weekend. My Brit is probably going to be murdered by me while we're there.
Brit: Rufus is excited to see you.
Me: What? No. Why? What did you say?
B: I might have told him that you were excited to see him too.
Me: I hate you.

I'm going to have to create an imaginary bf or something so he keeps his tiny penis away from me. I don't care how amazing a "cunning linguist" you are if that's all you've got. Plus, he isn't tall enough to ride anyway.

   Alright, I'm fucktired.

-L

   First order of business: RIP MJ, FF, and EM. I have a lot of experience to know that things happen in three's, especially deaths. So, there you have it. I just can't believe MJ is dead. The world lost a great deal of talent yesterday.

   Now onto something truly disturbing. I have serious reader's block. For the life of me, I can't get into a book lately. I got 3 chapters into the first Aurora Teagarden book and now I can't read more than 2 pages at a time. Then I started Henry Miller's Tropic of Cancer. I got maybe 50 pages in before the same thing happened. This happened once before about 2 years ago and it lasted for a couple months. I guess some people wouldn't get it, but if you know me you know that I always have a book in my purse and at least 2 going at a time. I get really freaked out by this. Like being an addict without a fix. And don't try to tell me that it's because I've been reading so much fanfic. Fuck you, that's not it.

   I'm packing for my weekend in the Keys! I leave tomorrow morning with my gay boyfriend Mike and we come back Monday. Just think: 5 alcoholics, 1 gay, 2 faghags, 2 straight, 1 hotel room on Duval. I have to charge my camera. Maybe this weekend will cure my reader's block, too. I won't read a thing all weekend. (this is probably a lie) I'm v excited! I haven't been to the Keys in 10 years. Last time I was down I almost crashed a moped at the cemetary. It happens when you can... I guess feel things? I dunno. I feel lame explaining it, but I've been known to drop like a rock if they're fresh. Luckily, that cemetary was old.

   Also, it's not smart to go to a bookstore the day before a trip. I went in for 2 magazines. $82 later..... I didn't get my magazines.

-L

   Yes, I'm hiding from my mother. She's cleaning out the closet under the stairs right now. It was his closet, so she's all emotional and crying and I really don't think I need to add my apathy to her mental state. See? I am a good daughter! I knew it all along.

   I found two awesome shops yesterday while riding around cracktown with my cousin. A huge used book store and a fuckawesome vintage store. Now, it's impossible to find reasonably priced vintage in the state of Florida, but this place was alright. (Srsly, I worship Nelda's in San Marcos, TX) New-ish Christian Laboutins for &$180? I came. A little bit. Black net with 5 1/2" stiletto? Yes, please. I told myself that if it's meant to be, then they will be there next week. *fingers crossed* Then, at the book store they had a complete collected works of Oscar Wilde, all 1st editions (!), for $3368!!! Craziness. I wish I would have had more time to look around though. The place was like a maze. I managed to grab a couple Christopher Moore's and Valley of The Dolls. Semi-productive.

   I spent some time analyzing my bookshelves this morning. I have 288 books that I have read currently and another 4' stack of 43 books to be read. I also have a strong need for another bookshelf. Now I'm just figuring out the logistics of where to put a third 6' tall bookshelf in my bedroom. Bah!

   OMG! I just got a phone call that my cousin is being stationed oversees next year. Where, you ask? ENGLAND!!! I didn't get the name of the place, but it's about an hour outside of London. He and his family have until the end of March next year to move. His sister calls me like, "You know how you're planning on going next summer? I have somewhere you can stay." Oh joy! I am so freaking excited that I now have a reasonably legitimate reason to go instead of "Fuck off, I'm leaving!" Whoo! I have to go put on Scissor Sisters and happy dance now!

-L

   I just would like to take this moment to say that Michael Buble is a potent panty dropper. Not so much look-wise (for me anyway), but his voice. I was in Best Buy today and they had a DVD of him performing live on their tvs and, I swear, I went into this lust-fog and had to get outta there fast before I took my pants off. Plus, I ended up with his cd. Now I know that, as much as I would love to hear him live, I can't because I would be nekkid within 5 minutes and I'm pretty sure there are laws against that. And he does Queen beautifully.

-L